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Guru
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Désolé, c'est en anglais mais vraiment trop bon :
Citation:
The bear (pronounced bar or van buren without the van or -en, and a short "u" instead of a long one), is the common name for the mammal family Ursidae, the fancy Latin way of saying "bloated snuffling stinky wolf-thing." The bear is many things to many people: to those being mauled by one, it is a painful and deadly nuisance, and to those gawking at them safely behind a zoo enclosure, they are cute and slightly boring. To everyone, however, they are Godless killing machines.
Bears have been accused of being highly adaptable and not at all content to be a single, easily identifiable species. As such, bears of various shapes and sizes may be found on every continent except for Iceland, though if one is unlucky, Bjork can be found there at certain times. Recently, television journalist Stephen Colbert has been a vocal activist condemning bears for their questionable behavior towards humans. As of now, no bear(s) has denied the accusation of malevolence.
Bears live to forage, and forage to live, hence their motto:
"Get the hell out of my way, I'm foraging."
Experts agree it is highly advisable, whenever possible, to get the hell out of their way. Also, these same experts advise you to steer clear of Bjork, for though she does not forage, she is prone to acts of violence.
Experts agree that this is an image of a bear
Types of Bears
To the dismay of ursinologists (those who study bears and bear markets), there are many species of bears. The resulting extra paperwork makes their already unbearable jobs all the more difficult, and many ursinologists crack under the considerable stress of monitoring, cataloguing and documenting what they irritably describe as "all the fucking bears."
Types of bear include, but are not limited to: black bears, brown bears, spectacled bears, contact-lens bears, av-er-age bears, root bears, red bears, pooh bears, catholic bears, grizzly bears, koala bears (which aren’t really bears but frankly, not even ursinologists care), unicycle-riding bears, Yogi bears, polar bears, cucum bears, American Black Bears, care bears, paddington bears, KOSA Bears, equatorial bears, panda bears (which aren't really bears either, but ditto) and teddy bears, as well as the occasional Theodore Roosevelt. While some of these types are not "real" in the sense of being children’s toys or animated cartoons, ursinologists admit that they’ve probably chosen the wrong field of study, and why don’t you just lay off about the goddamn specifics for a fucking moment.
A baby bear
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Source : http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Bear
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[CDC] La désencyclopédie
02-11-2006 01:03
